My Body

Hey guys. So in case you haven't noticed from the poem title or whatever, I'm talking about my body and the way I look. I was never happy with my body, and this summer my whole attitude about it plummeted. I started eating less, and I would just workout about 3-4 times a week which was good for me. But plans started getting in the way, so I often had less time to workout. Even before this, I would drag my scale out in the morning and weigh myself. But now I weigh myself basically after I eat anything.
I don't really want to share my weight with you guys, but I guess it's okay. Before summer started I weighed around 153 pounds which was usual for me. But after school was let out, I had more time to be active and more time to do sports and camps and whatnot. I'll never forget losing 7 pounds (to 146) because I had never lost so much weight before. I was starting to feel more confident about myself, and I was starting to feel like this was going to be a good summer. The summer I was going to wear a bikini and feel confident in it. (Mind you I've never worn a bikini before.)
But camps started getting in the way and a drama program, too, so I never had that much time to workout by myself.
And today I gained back those five pounds, and I just started sobbing. I've never literally felt so depressed ever.
I know I'm probably obsessed with my weight, but it's something personal, and I needed to vent through literature.
The ending's pretty obvious; I hate myself enough that I would kill myself. But I never do because I know that things always get better.